Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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