If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
