don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
