I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Randomize