32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
