Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
