at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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