He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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