Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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