There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize