i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
