great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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