woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
