Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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