I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
