I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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