There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
