I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
