i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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