i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Randomize
