Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So many bounce houses so little time
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
