My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize