you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
