Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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