yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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