One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
