Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
