Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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