Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
