girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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