and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
