Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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