he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
