he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My bed smells like the plague
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
