btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
