I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
