if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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