The maid of honor just puked.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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