You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
All the doctor said was why
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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