He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
