I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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