What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
