Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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