the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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