So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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