I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize