everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
