So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
