It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
