been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
