Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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