apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
