that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
