You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
