i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
