a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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