We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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