I wanna passion pit in your ass
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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