I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
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