im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
