therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
