Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
