I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
