Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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