and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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