Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
