I'm going to jail i love you
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
