Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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