I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Randomize
