There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
