my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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