I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
